Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Rules for Driving in Tulsa, Oklahoma

Only those that drive in Tulsa or those that have driven in Tulsa will appreciate this.

Rules for Driving in Tulsa, Oklahoma

If your Tulsa map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.

If you're in Broken Arrow where one street has three names...such as Lynn Lane aka

177th E. Ave and 9th St. and your map is one day old, it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tulsa has its own version of traffic rules.

All directions start with 'Get on Memorial' which has no beginning and no end.

Everything in Tulsa is 'just off Memorial.'

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed

out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line,

count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing

with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on I-44 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

All unexpected or strange sights are explained by the phrase,

'Oh, we're in Jenks.'

If someone actually has a turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD.

I-44 is called the Skelly Bypass. No one has ever figured out what it bypasses...

State Highway 51 is either the Broken Arrow Expressway or the Keystone

Expressway, depending on which way you're headed. US64 comes up Memorial

from Bixby, joins 169 for a few miles, and then heads west with SH 51 towards

Sand Springs. Several highways like the Creek Turnpike have no number.

We don't understand it either.

Maps of Tulsa show an Interstate 444 in downtown Tulsa. If you find it, let us know.

The alleged I-444 is half of the inner-dispersal loop, which is not for the faint of heart.

Highway 169 in rush hour is the Tulsa equivalent of NASCAR.

Just shut up and drive like the rest of us.

If asking directions along North Utica or in west Tulsa , you must have knowledge

of Spanish. If you're on East 21st Street, Mandarin Chinese or Vietnamese will be

your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Pine or Peoria, you better be armed.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Broken Arrow Expressway is 85.

Anything less is considered downright sissy.

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

If it's 10 degrees and snowing, it's homecoming at TU.

If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is spring, it's opening day for the Drillers.

If it is fall, the Tulsa State Fair is going on.

All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located

as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

With these simple rules in mind, you are now ready to drive in Tulsa.

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